Hypocrite's Almanac

Time For A Change

Art by Samantha Hahn

By Melanie Hoopes

Wow. That was quick. You're back for more advice so soon? Last time I told you to go read a book and you finished it already? Sheesh. Just as I was in the middle of watching a YouTube video of a Husky saying "I love you" so distinctly it just has to be faked. I believe in miracles but this one is too hard to believe. I guess I can watch that anytime...

But I'm glad you're here. This week is a milestone in Hypocrite's Almanac history. Not only did I get a rare email in my usually barren email box, this week I got my very first question. Although I am not trained in much of anything, my column has caused one Park Sloper to think I might have some idea on how to get him or her out of the following pickle.

My dedicated reader writes:
Dear Hypocrite,
I am a prominent Park Slope business owner. Although I love the community I serve and I believe in the products I sell, I feel that I have fallen out of love with my job. I used to get out of bed eager to see what the day would bring. Now, I can barely make it in to open the doors at 11. The bigger problem is I can't figure out how change my life. I can't imagine giving up everything and starting over. My family depends on my income and stability. Do I just get used to this low-grade miserable sensation every time I walk in my store or do I do something about it?
Signed, Miserable on Seventh Avenue

First of all, Miserable, I have absolutely no clue what to tell you. The following paragraphs contain a whole bunch of words that I've slapped together in different combinations in order to find something that might have a positive effect on you. Let me begin by saying you sound depressed. And who wouldn't be? You own a small business during the recession. Even if you're one of the lucky ones and you're surviving, it can't be easy. When things are hard for prolonged periods of time, depression moves in. If this resonates with you, go see a professional. You might need drugs, you might need a pep talk or you might need a huge change in direction. If you don't have the money or time to see someone, continue reading and I'll give you a totally unprofessional mini-session right now. Obviously, I can't do anything about the drugs. I recently discovered Mucinex and that's over-the-counter but it won't help you unless you've had a nagging cough on top of your depression.

A pep talk? That's easy. Although I don't know you or your store I am certain you're a kind, conscientious shop owner who works hard to fill the needs of the community. You try your hardest to fill special orders and keep a clear path through your narrow aisles to allow room for strollers. When you buy for the store, you pick out simple, well-designed items that make a minimal impact on the environment. You recycle all packing materials and give the UPS guy a gift certificate from a local eatery for the holidays. You are not part of the problem. If we were all a little more like you we'd all bike to work and the polar bears would be sleeping soundly in their polar bear beds. You're awesome and we're lucky to have you in our lives. Go Miserable!

Now onto that big change. Change is hard for everyone. There are two ways to make a change: baby steps or the Giant Leap. Here are some suggestions for baby steps.

Teach a class.

Teaching immediately turns you into an expert which is a huge boost of self-esteem which just might dispose of that pesky depression quickly and efficiently. My family and friends from high school used to think I was completely lost. When I started life coaching and giving my now infamous free seminars they began treating me with respect and courtesy. That gave me the confidence to confront all the people that owed me money. Now I am almost rich!

What to teach? I don't have to tell you that running a store gives you a lot of hard-won knowledge. There are people who dream of starting a business and you could help them avoid some of the hazards. It's understandable if you don't want to spend an extra second talking about small business owning. Perhaps you're talented at something else like bonsai growing, speaking French, shaving. Teach what turns you on. Now, don't get hung up on the thought that your classes have to happen at some bona fide school. You can teach in the back of your store. You do, however, need students. Hang a flyer at the Coop-if more than two people sign up, teach away. Four years later you can move upstate, teach at SUNY Binghamton and have a backyard, cure your kids of asthma and start breeding Huskies that say "I love you" Bingo! You beat the blues!

If you can't think of anything to teach, take a class. You'll meet new people, learn to think in a new way and get away from your current life that's been depressing you. What to take? You can approach this two ways. You can take something that will make yourself happier in your downtime (i.e. watercolors, ballroom dancing, Pokemon card trading) or you can find a class that might lead to another career (mechanical drawing, computer programming, bartending). Hopefully, your hobbies and future career plans will overlap creating a new, more content and prosperous you. Follow your bliss and the money will come and all that. I know it's hard to have this kind of faith when you have two kids and a spouse who needs a lot of dental work. Just forget about the future for now and enroll.

You could also design something. Is there something your customers have been begging you to find that you just can't locate? Make it yourself! Design a wedding dress, a bunkbed for dogs, a kid's vacuum cleaner. Draw some sketches and make a prototype. Soon you'll be joining the ranks of Edison and The Wright Brothers. Then your big problem will be trying to figure out how to spend all that money!

Onto the Giant Leap.

Make a huge change, fast. The hardest part of making a sudden transformation will be helping your friends and family adjust. If you sell your store and go to law school (terrible idea) you should expect some discomfort in your household. Loss of income and routine can upset spouses and children. Work hard to compensate for your choices. Create new rituals. Tuesday night Fajitas! Sunday morning rollerskating! October is orange food month!

Another example of the Giant Leap? You could pick up and move the entire family to Belarus. It's easier than it sounds. Put your business in the hands of your trusty store manager and trade houses with a family in Minsk. This really could be your life after a few emails and a single phone call (Minsk has terrible bandwith). Sell nothing here and the door will still be open to return (unless a terrible fire destroys your house and your manager walks with the payroll). Once you make a move like this you'll realize how little the little things matter. Your present ennui will quickly be a faint memory if you make the Giant Leap. But remember, the Giant Leap is often difficult for the family. Proceed with caution.

That's a lot of advice. If you ask me, which you did, I'd do a combination of all of it. I'd take some Mucinex, teach a seminar, take a seminar, and live in Belarus. I know what you're feeling and it's not fun. You feel trapped. Your store is closing in on you, your apartment is too small, you're not getting laid and you don't even care. You know you need to bust a move but it all feels too disruptive. The fact is something has to change. If it doesn't, five years will go by and you'll find yourself in a doctor's office going over test results and discussing strategies. Don't let it happen, Miserable. Change your life now before something happens that changes your life for you. You can do it. Go Miserable!

That's it for now. To everyone else but Miserable: Don't feel ignored this month. We've all been Miserable at some point and hopefully you got something out of this. I'll be back on as your personal, free-of-charge, hypocritical life coach in the Spring. In meantime, keep doing all that stuff I've told you to do for the past three years. Plus, it's winter so eat lots of soup and make a lot of love. It's cold out there.