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Park Slope Life

Art Meets Social Change at Groundswell

July 24, 2018 By Kate Menard Filed Under: Park Slope Life Tagged With: artist, Groundswell, murals

Summer was coming, and Kevin Rijo was looking for a job. He knew that he could find one through the Summer Youth Employment Program, but there was a problem. “All the regular jobs — caretakers, counselors, retail — were all taken,” said Rijo, “so I thought I was going to be broke the entire summer. However, I was passed a paper with ‘Groundswell’ printed on it, and decided that I had nothing to lose trying something different. The rest is history.”

By Kate Menard

Images courtesy of Groundswell

 

Kevin Rijo

Groundswell, founded in 1996, brings together youth, teaching artists and community organizations to facilitate community building, personal growth and social change through the process of mural-making. Mural content often represents perspectives that are less likely to find such a public platform otherwise.

The organization runs many programs and projects throughout the year in schools and neighborhoods all over New York City. The summer programming, however, holds a particular place in the organization. Amelia Calsi, Manager of Mural Operations at Groundswell, explained, “For summer, specifically, we get to partner with groups that give us a little more autonomy in what we get to talk about, which is exciting for us because then the youth that we work with really get a lot of voice in the project and in the visuals — as in every project that they do — but we get to tackle just a little more controversial topics.”

Groundswell’s summer opportunities span several programs, including the organization’s flagship program, the Summer Leadership Institute, which runs for six weeks from July to August.

After participating in Segue — a program that introduces youth to Groundswell and the mural-making process — his first summer with the organization, Rijo participated in the Summer Leadership Institute’s Making His’tory project. 

The Making His’tory project is developed by an all-male team of youth and teaching artists and focuses on societal issues young men are facing today. Describing the Making His’tory mural that he worked on with his teammates, Rijo said, “[‘Rise of Consciousness’] was all about empowerment. We are young men who recognized a change in the America we loved. We saw a shift that needed to be projected. The hearts, thoughts and emotions of the American youth were poured onto the canvas. Different themes can be seen: the school to prison pipeline; male vulnerability; colorism; mass incarceration; systematic oppression; and, most importantly, the dismantlement of all these forms of oppression and the start of reconstruction.”   

In addition to the Making His’tory project for young men, the Summer Leadership Institute offers the Voices Her’d project for young women. Jazmine Hayes, Groundswell youth artist turned teaching artist, provided some insight into how the Voices Her’d murals are initiated, “We start by introducing conversations expressing concerns as women and narrowing down … themes … into specific … issues. We then go into the community in which the mural will be to gain feedback … from voices within the neighborhood. Often … we create questionnaires for the community to have a format for the youth to use for communal interviews.” 

This research phase works similarly for all Groundswell murals, entailing both brainstorming and community outreach around issues that will be incorporated into the murals. The research phase is followed by the design phase. During this phase, youth artists are introduced to symbols and imagery gathered from various styles, cultures and time periods and begin sketching and thinking about color. Teaching artists then collect these sketches and work out the final design of the mural. 

The last phase of the mural-making process is fabrication. During this phase, youth artists learn about “gridding,” the process by which a small drawing gets transferred onto a larger surface. Outlines are drawn with charcoal and then covered with paint. They then learn how to mix colors, apply undertones and finally to add detailed overtones. 

Calsi stated the importance that the Summer Leadership Institute places on responsibility. “One of the things that we really push for is, this is a job for the youth. They are doing the majority of the work. … This is about getting skills to be part of a workforce, taking this professionally and seriously.” 

This approach, combined with Groundswell’s ability to foster determination, a positive outlook and artistic talent has contributed to some great things beyond the mural walls as well. Hayes, who joined Groundswell as a youth artist seven years ago, has since gone on to earn a B.F.A. in painting from Queens College and is currently working toward an M.F.A. in painting at Hunter College. In keeping with her work at Groundswell, her own multimedia art practice focuses on family ancestry, women of color, identity and intergenerational imagery.

Rijo has also gone on to work with other art institutions and to co-curate his own art events. Through Groundswell, he was introduced to the Joan Mitchell Foundation, which hired him to help develop a youth-led event that came to be called “The Youth Creativity Summit.” The summit was hosted by the Brooklyn Museum in collaboration with Groundswell and other arts organizations. Through the Joan Mitchell Foundation, Rijo has also recently co-curated an exhibition entitled “Dimensions,” open through August 28, which focuses on intergenerational art and displays the works of mentees and their mentors side-by-side. 

Though Groundswell muralists work all over the city, this year’s Summer Leadership Institute murals will all be located in Groundswell’s borough of Brooklyn. The Making His’tory mural will be painted on the Food Bazaar on Manhattan Avenue, where several other Making His’tory murals can also be seen. The Voices Her’d’ mural will be added to the Barrett Design Center. The final three Summer Leadership Institute murals will be located in New York City Housing Authority communities in Brownsville, Bushwick and Fort Greene. 

When asked what drew her to Groundswell and the Summer Leadership Institute, Hayes touched on some of the most powerful elements of the program. “[It] was the artists leading these projects to talk about communities where … people are seeking agency,” she explained. “It opened me to activism I already had, but working with this amazing team of artists enhanced my knowledge of communities in need of real change. I learn from them constantly. It reminded me that I mattered and my voice is reflected by many people in my community and communities across the world.

 

Groundswell is located at 540 President Street, Suite 1A. The organization can be contacted by phone at 718-254-9782 and by email at info@groundswell.nyc. The Summer Leadership Institute relies on donations from the public. If you would like to make a donation, visit https://www.groundswell.nyc/about/support.    

Filed Under: Park Slope Life Tagged With: artist, Groundswell, murals

The Endless Summer: Camps!

May 17, 2018 By Sarah Inocencio-Miller Filed Under: Park Slope Life Tagged With: creativity, daycamp, experience, fun, interests, kids, learning, season, sleep away, summer, Summer camp

With summer quickly approaching, bringing waves of sunny days and no school, many parents and families look to summer camps to help their kids stay active and make new friends. Luckily for park slope residents, and New Yorkers in general, camp options are countless and provide an array of opportunities for children to cultivate new skills, practice old ones, and foster their curiosity while building meaningful relationships.

Camp is a productive way to engage a child in their interests while also allowing them to unplug from phones and television in favor of connecting in positive social situations. Summer camp can be an incredibly meaningful period of time for some. 

Best friends Marissa Roer and Kate Elliot, two Brooklyn residents, frequented camp throughout their childhoods and have maintained a friendship of ten years since first meeting at an arts conservatory camp. “I would endure the year and think about camp,” Marissa mused as Kate laughed. “Summer camp was when I learned about female dynamics. It was a good thing for me to experience while growing up,” Kate added. “I eventually ended up going to high school with two of the girls I bunked with.” Though their days of camp are long over, Marissa and Kate make a point of seeing each other once a week over Saturday yoga and brunch and frequently catch up with other camp peers, one whose wedding they will be attending in the fall of this year.    

In the spirit of Marissa and Kate’s friendship, cultivated from years of camp, here is a definitive list of potential summer camps that will make any kid hope this summer really is endless. 

 

For the big thinkers out there, there are plenty of camp options to satisfy even the most curious of minds. Located in Windsor Terrace, The Tiny Scientist summer program offers weekly sessions dedicated to in-depth explorations in topics ranging from chemistry experiments to sports science to the study of dinosaurs. Engineering For Kids is another great option that introduces 4-14 year olds to STEM (Science Technology Engineering and Math) in a hands-on way. Their website offers an easy-to-use class filter so you can sort through their breadth of programs, like scratch programming, electronic game design, 3D printing, and LEGO-based robotics. For ‘girls who wanna have fun’, Curious Jane is a no-brainer and provides girls entering 3rd-6th grades to explore and create among other inquisitive girls. Curious Jane also publishes a quarterly magazine so girls can DIY projects at home—perfect for the girls who couldn’t get enough of the summer program. 

 

For the adventurers itching to get out and let out some energy, SKATEYOGI helps the aspiring shredder learn to skate safely. Programs allow children ages 6-12 to experience skateboarding outdoors in Prospect Park as well as in an air-conditioned, indoor space. Parents are included in the fun and receive daily pictures of skateboarding adventures around the city. Brooklyn Boulders offers summer sessions that teach kids boldness, creativity, strength, and fine motor skills through climbing. The team and instructors behind Brooklyn Boulders are “strong believers that attitude is everything, and believe in the value of failing gracefully”. A Park Slope favorite, Kim’s Kids Club allows children to take everyday adventures in their very own city. Flexible scheduling allows families on a budget or with summer plans to choose a camp experience that works for them. Activities include playground hopping around the city, visiting the Bronx Zoo, and swimming at Riis Beach (accompanied by Kim’s Kids very own lifeguards). 

 

For The Budding Prodigies waiting to unleash their creativity, Gowanus Music Club gives kids the chance to hone their musical abilities by learning to play instruments. Supported by staff who themselves are musicians and the friends they make in their bands, rockers are given the opportunity to play live shows and showcase their talents to family and friends. For more stage opportunities, Brooklyn Acting Lab provides multiple sessions and a “play in a day” program. Each summer BAL also mounts one big musical to be performed at the end of the summer. This summer rising 3rd-8th graders will spend four weeks rehearsing Shrek The Musical Jr. with the session starting July 9 and running through August 3. Automatic Studios offers two different levels of classes for both the amateur filmmaker and the more serious auteur. The weeklong session packs the experience of making a movie into five days of fun and ends with a wrap party to celebrate their accomplishments. The two-week master class boasts a similar model, but offering a bit more time for budding directors to hone their craft through preproduction, shooting, and animation. BKLYN Clay offers affordable classes teaching the basics of hand building and wheel throwing techniques, while students get creative with the clay. At Brooklyn Sewcial kids are given one week to finish a unique project in a small classroom environment that motivates creativity and imagination. Spoke the Hub provides a Camp Gowanee Multi-Arts Summer Program for children ages 7-12 featuring an impressive lineup of master teachers. This summer artists such as Sachiyo Ito, a Japanese dance master and elder, and Iliana Quander, a well-known Brooklyn fashion designer will be joining the ranks of Spoke the Hub. 

 

For The Tiny Chefs who want to take control of what’s on their plate, Food Art For Kids introduces the importance of fresh produce and how to integrate that into a meal. Sessions include weekly visits to Brooklyn Heights’ Green Market where fresh produce is picked out for the cooking projects of the week. Kids engage in cooking healthy meals and on Fridays treat themselves to a homemade pizza party. A farm-to-table summer camp, Butter Beans Kitchen offers wholesome culinary expeditions for children ages 6-10. At Butter Beans Kitchen, kids are given unique opportunities to engage with the environment in the city around them, like farming in urban gardens, beekeeping on rooftops, and catching fish in Central Park. Children make their lunches every day, and learn to cultivate a close relationship between the food they pick and what they will ultimately end up feeding themselves. 

 

The traditional summer camp is usually sleep-away, which, although daunting at first, can be a child’s first steps towards independence and nurturing self-confidence in a safe environment. For those ready to take the plunge and find a home away from home, Windsor Mountain welcomes children into a co-ed, non-competitive sleep-away summer camp in Windsor, New Hampshire. Windsor Mountain’s hallmark is ‘directed free-choice’, which means campers have a say in all the activities they participate in and have staff and counselors at their disposal to help figure out how best to enjoy their summer at the mountain. With amenities like a farm, garden, forest, tree house, and ropes course, boredom is never an option. For those who want to get away but aren’t quite ready to tackle nights away from home, Deer Mountain Day Camp in Rockland County, NY offers day sessions for kids of all age groups with the traditional camp structure. Located on a mountainside next to a spring-fed lake, this 25-acre camp encourages outdoor play and exploration. Stony Creek Farmstead in Walton, NY offers children the opportunity to live on an organic farmstead and interact with animals and the environment in a sustainable, respectful way. The camp is offered in weekly sessions and provides distinctive activities like milking cows, foraging for wild food, and working on art projects. 

 

As a 23-year-old with no children of my own and no real camp experience, I was pretty astounded by the sheer number of camps nestled away in Brooklyn. As a kid my parents would, by default, send me to summer school so I wouldn’t sit alone coloring in the living room for weeks on end. Although summer school held nothing of the richness of camps I’ve come to learn about, it did offer flexibility in electives, so I was lucky enough to be able to choose an area of art I was interested in and also attend a school that had some funding for this. In the first grade I chose to take the drama elective during summer school and although it was the most casual of experiences and I had the smallest of roles, I ended up harboring a secret flame for drama that never quite extinguished. I knew from that point on that I enjoyed theater, but was never given another opportunity to pursue it as I was stacked with my pre-existing extracurricular activities. Many years passed before I performed again. 

In middle school it was customary for the 8th graders to put on a play before graduation and that year we put on Fiddler on the Roof Jr. I ultimately got one of the lead roles, and with the ecstasy of real stage time under my belt. I entered high school with a mission. At 3:01 on my first day of 9th grade I rushed to the performing arts center to sign up for auditions for the Theater Conservatory. The small flame that I had kept quietly within myself ended up defining my high school career and, eventually, my college career as well. Then, with a tad more acting knowledge than I had possessed in the first grade, I moved to New York City from my hometown of Los Angeles to pursue a career in acting. 

Looking back on the journey that I’ve taken with the greatest passion I have in my life, I wish I had had more time to nurture the love for acting that I had within me. 

Camps and summer programs teach leadership, interpersonal skills, courage, and creativity. More than anything, they allow kids to try new things alongside others who may have similar interests and ideas as them. It’s extremely important to encourage interests and hobbies at a young age. These experiences coalesce and inform a person deeply. And who knows? They may just stumble across a spark that fuels them for the rest of their lives!  k

 

 

 

Filed Under: Park Slope Life Tagged With: creativity, daycamp, experience, fun, interests, kids, learning, season, sleep away, summer, Summer camp

Aiming for Adventure: Get Your Skills On

February 14, 2018 By Meghan Cook Filed Under: Park Slope Life Tagged With: activities, adventure, business, community, family, friendly, hobbies, local, neighborhood, Park Slope

In a neighborhood rich with leaders ready to help children grow, athletically as well as creatively, wintertime activities do not have to be confined to the walls of your home. With a variety of sports, hobbies, and live shows at its disposal, Park Slope has plenty to offer every kind of family in the cold stretch between fall and spring. By Meghan Cook


Rolando Balboa, Head Coach at the Brooklyn Fencing Center, is just one of many talented instructors in the neighborhood. Balboa stated that their mission is “to make the fun and excitement of fencing accessible to Brooklynites of all ages.” Like many of the activities listed, fencing is more than a sport. When it comes to educating children, a larger part of engaging their minds is offering them “shine on their own merits.”

John Finn of Birdman Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, who recently opened a new Brooklyn location just north of Park Slope, advocated for his business by emphasizing the importance of bolstering confidence in young students. Finn maintained that defensive martial arts provide great tools to combat bullying by helping students “develop a strong sense of flow through timing and technique, not speed and strength.”

Similarly, Gordon Wormser of Aikido of Park Slope spoke on the importance of teaching young children the art of self-defense through gentle measures with “smiles and safety.” Wormser went on to say that the atmosphere of their center is disciplined, yet fun. “It offers an environment in which your child can grow physically, intellectually, and emotionally,” explained Wormser.

Ora Fruchter of Yellow Sneaker, a local group that entertains young minds with music and puppetry, also focused on the importance of building a light, comfortable environment where kids can be themselves. “At our weekly Yellow Sneaker sing-alongs you’ll find a community of people and puppets who can’t wait to have some fun, make some friends and dance it out,” said Fruchter. “We create a cozy and welcoming space that is fun and laid back for kids and their caregivers.”

This winter, consider looking into the following children’s programs local to Park Slope and enjoy the dual benefits of supporting community businesses while encouraging your kids to take on new skills.

 

Brooklyn Boulders

Arm your kids with the bravery and self-assurance to tackle obstacles and climb new heights at Brooklyn Boulders. With a ratio of one belayer paired to five kids, children are always given the consideration and care they need to ensure their safety while rock climbing. Kids Academy is available daily, while Brooklyn Boulders Adventures offer full-week programs. Both are open to children aged 5-12. Prices range from $49-$709.

Website: https://brooklynboulders.com/brooklyn/youth/

 

Gotham Archery

Located just north of Park Slope in Gowanus is Gotham Archery, a recently renovated archery facility. Gotham Archery boasts 43 lanes, equipment rentals, and introductory classes for new beginners. This activity is mostly reserved for older children as only ten and up are allowed access to equipment, per safety concerns, though children as young as 8 can participate in the Junior Olympic Archery Development program.

Website: https://www.got-archery.com

 

Birdman Brazilian Jiu Jitsu

Birdman Brazilian Jiu Jitsu boasts a brand new, state of the art facility just a few blocks up from Union St subway station. While they just opened their newest location in Park Slope on January 1st, instructor John “Birdman” Finn has been practicing and teaching the art form for many years, and offers experienced black belt instruction. Jiu Jitsu promotes team building, confidence, and dedication to technique. Open to children from ages seven and up.

Website: http://birdmanbjj.com

 

Pure Energy Martial Arts

Toronto native Tessa Gordon owns and operates Pure Energy Martial Arts, now a staple in the Park Slope Community. With a 6th degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do, Master Gordon exhibits full command and knowledge of the Korean art form, and uses her school to share and teach that ability to her students. Gordon hosts kids programs for children as young as three and for teens/adults of all belts. Programs include: Juniors, Cage Fitness, Demo Team, and Birdman Brazilian Ju Jitsu. Free trial classes available.

Website: http://www.pureenergymartialarts.com

 

Brooklyn Fencing

Right at the top of Park Slope is Brooklyn Fencing Center. Fencing is a unique skill that fosters coordination and poise. For kids with a competitive streak, Brooklyn Fencing also hosts tournaments throughout the year. The center offers child classes for kids aged 7-9, junior classes for 10-17. Levels are inclusive to fencers new to the sport as well as for the more advanced: “New Beginners,” “Intermediate & Competitive Fencers,” and “Bouting.” Private lessons are also available. Beginner group rates start at $199 a month.

Website: http://www.brooklynfencing.com

 

Ice Skating

Can’t get enough of the cold? Consider taking the kids ice-skating in the LeFrak Center at Lakeside Prospect Park. Lakeside offers two outdoor winter rinks to skate circles around your neighbors or hug the wall to your heart’s content. If you’d prefer a warmer activity, scurry inside for a hot apple cider at the Bluestone Cafe and pop on some rollerblades to skate indoors. Check back in the spring to explore Lakeside in new ways on boats and bikes. Admission to ice-skate is $7 on weekdays, $10 on weekends. Rollerblading: $6 on weekdays/$9 on weekends. Respective ice-skates and rollerblades are priced separately.

Website: http://lakesidebrooklyn.com/activities/

 

Aikido of Park Slope

Park Slope is also host to Brooklyn’s largest aikido dojo. Aikido is a Japanese martial art created in the 1900s that is protective, disciplined, and disarming; its aim is not to fight, but to neutralize opponents. Aikido’s children’s program is open to kids from ages five and over, for lessons which inspire problem solving and peaceful combat. Available at a monthly rate of $100.

Website: http://www.aikidoofparkslope.com

 

Puppet Show

For little ones with a creative spark, catch the Yellow Sneaker Puppet Sing-Alongs every Thursday at 10:30am at Sir D’s Lounge on Union Street. The musical group and their silly puppet friends join in song (both original and traditional) as they encourage children to clap and sing along. $10 for kids, $5 for each additional sibling.

Website: http://www.yellowsneakerpuppets.com

Filed Under: Park Slope Life Tagged With: activities, adventure, business, community, family, friendly, hobbies, local, neighborhood, Park Slope

Come On In, The Water’s Fine – at cityWell

January 17, 2018 By Emily Gawlak Filed Under: Park Slope Life Tagged With: bathhouse, Gowanus, massage, sauna, steam, yoga

Of all the apartment compromises we make in this city, our poor excuses for bathrooms may be the most egregious. I mean, honestly, where are all of the claw foot tubs? Thankfully, a needed respite from the too-cramped bathroom blues lies off the R train in Gowanus, where Liz Tortolani welcomes you into her boutique bathhouse, cityWell, with open arms and extra fluffy towels. 

 

There was still snow on the ground on the Sunday afternoon scheduled for my hydrotherapy session, two hours set aside for full use of the townhouse-turned-bathhouse’s wet and dry saunas, hot tub, and showers. I turned down a quiet block of President Street past Third Avenue towards the canal as a nearby church bells tolled three, and lo! a eucalyptus branch signaled the way. Soon I was standing in a small entryway, enveloped in a blend of ginger, peppermint, and tobacco, a signature cityWell scent.

“I bet you weren’t quite sure where you were going!” Tortolani’s boomed as I stepped inside. The creator and sole owner of the spa is a vigorous, constant presence in the space, greeting guests, fiddling with steam valves, spritzing aromatherapy here and there, toweling off a slippery spot on the cork floor. She escorted me in, and, after a quick tour of the space, I swapped my parka and sweatpants for a swimsuit and was soaking in an outdoor hot tub, observed only by (no doubt jealous) empty balconies of the surrounding townhouses.

Liz in the backyard, photograph by Jessica Miller.

Tortolani opened cityWell in late 2015, but her quest for alternative healing began long ago, stemming from a Chron’s Disease diagnosis at age 13. While abroad in Sydney, Australia during college, she had a formative first experience at a Korean bathhouse. Years later, while studying massage therapy in Seattle, she began visiting Hothouse Spa, a women-only space that helped cement her belief in the benefits of regular hydrotherapy and proved an important influence on cityWell. “It really saved me,” says Tortolani. “I found that place incredibly healing to my body.”

When Tortolani moved to New York City in 2005, she wanted to find a Hothouse equivalent, but was nonplussed by what she saw as crowded, remote, or male-centric options. “I had just moved to one of the best cities in the world, and yet it didn’t have any facility like I was lucky enough to have in Seattle. A place I could walk to, that was in my neighborhood, that was accessible, that was affordable,” she shares. So she set out to build it herself.

Tortolani credits the Business Outreach Center Network as integral in her path to entrepreneurship because of their wealth of free resources and guidance for aspiring business owners. ““They keep asking you,” she recalls, “What are your next steps?” Her mentors there also introduced her to the Brooklyn Public Library’s Annual PowerUP! Business Plan Competition, which served as “a catalyst for propelling me forward.” The competition also motivated her to put together an extensive plan, which in turn helped Tortolani connect with architect Deborah Mariotti of MariottiStudio, who would remain by her side for the next five years as they dealt with both the excitement of planning and disappointment of setbacks and spaces falling through.

 

 

But eventually, Tortolani tapped the vein of two trends. First, she kept her eye on Gowanus, a neighborhood she’d lived in since moving to the city and loved for its grit and industrial feel. “As an entrepreneur you want to go into a place before it blows up. I was able to sense that this place was going to change.”

Working as a holistic health coach, a massage therapist, and a yoga instructor, Tortolani also saw the way wellness practices — on both an individual and organizational level — were the first to go when the recession hit, but watched as there was a refocusing on self-care in recent years. With cityWell, she hopes to encourage wellness as routine. “That was part of my concept,” she shares, “making self-care and wellness a part of everyday life, not just a luxury.

 

 

CityWell is not without luxury, though, catering to any number of boutique experiences. A la carte massages and body scrubs are offered, as well as elaborate packages such as the Mini Retreat, which includes private use of the space, a yoga session, a full body massage, a clay mask, and more.

But during open hours, which are currently offered four days a week, with two community hour time slots priced at only $20 for a two hour session, those with a limited budget are also free to escape from, as Liz puts it, “the fire of the city.”

Most open hours are all-gender, but on Sunday’s women-only hours, I and about a dozen other women roamed the space, pausing from our ablutions to sip tea or flip through books on yoga and meditation. Tortolani has picked each and every element of the simple, curvaceous space with care, from the deep blue of the rain showers, to the custom-built cement sink, to natural bath products (and the aforementioned entryway candle) from Brooklyn-based Apotheke. “This place came from my brain,” says Tortolani with pride. “I was a part of every single part of that place being built. Down to the fact that we picked out every single material on our own, my architect and I.”

As the clock ticked past 5 and I reluctantly prepared to leave my newfound sanctuary and venture back out into the cold, Liz was animatedly discussing massage with another open hour attendee who had inquired about sports massage. No, Tortolani wasn’t a sports therapist… but could she just offer the woman five minutes of deep-tissue massage, free of charge?

Tortolani has a staff of four, including two massage therapists, and spends four days of the week tending to the wellness of grateful urbanites. “As a massage therapist, you work on one person at a time,” she says. “You can’t tend to as many people as you’d like. I felt like if I built cityWell, I could create a space where one can come and take care of their body. I don’t have to actually physically be there.” That certainly won’t stop her from trying, though. Tortolani hopes to hold open hours on every day of the week and she has her sights set on cityWell Paris in 2020.

New Yorkers, bathtime just got a whole lot better.

 

 

 

Visit cityWell brooklyn online: http://citywellbrooklyn.com

Filed Under: Park Slope Life Tagged With: bathhouse, Gowanus, massage, sauna, steam, yoga

Selfish Dreams

December 6, 2017 By Ambika Samarthya-Howard Filed Under: Park Slope Life Tagged With: career, children, dreams, family, life, mother, motherhood

There’s pivotal moment in every mom’s life after the birth or adoption of her child when she decides she has the space, desire, and need for self-care. This can come in the form of returning to the book by the bedside that’s been there since 36 weeks, or returning to her favorite yoga class.  Unfortunately, for working moms, this moment sometimes comes later, and for me, it came a year after my child was born and I went on my first retreat. From there, I was inspired to head back (reluctantly) to the gym.  And that’s where I met Natasha Forrest.

I think there’s a Natasha in many of our lives.  She’s the woman you randomly meet in the library or bar who is just a kick-ass woman, and then you realize that not only is she a mom, but she’s also doing amazing and unconventional things in their career. Natasha is even more of an inspiration for me because she’s a single mom. Natasha was a full time accountant, with crazy hours, doing part time fitness training on the side, when she was let go from her job during a company lay-off.  Her son was one at the time (he’s now five), and she decided she actually liked her part time job more. She had the choice to find a new accountant job, or follow her dreams.

So she decided to go for it.

The irony of having a child is that is gives you a deep awareness of what truly matters to you, but the clarity it shows you is even harder to put into place because you now have another being completely dependent on you.  I left my ad agency job after I had Ananda to go back to writing and filming for social good. I have friends who left their jobs after having a kid to pursue their novel or graduate degree.  I realize this is a position of economic privilege – to be able to leave your stable job to pursue a risky alternative.  With Natasha the courage was even more profound because she is the primary caretaker. “Is it selfish? Of course it is. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. You have to look out for you. At the end of the day no one else is going to,” she said honestly.

It’s a way of being and speaking we are not comfortable with because of many of the parameters of guilt and shame often put onto moms. I myself am often overwhelmed by the guilt that comes with caring about something outside of my child. I feel it both as a social taboo and a biological pull.  Annabel Crabb once said: “The obligation for working moms is a very precise one: the feeling that one ought to work as if one did not have children, while raising one’s children as if one didn’t have a job.”

It’s even more audacious for moms who love their job and pursue dreams, because they love what they do, and want to do more of it. I asked Natasha how she copes with the guilt, and she responded that following what she loves actually enables her more flexibility to be with her son. “I set my own hours, I don’t stay up all night stressed out with work.”

I found myself making similar adjustments when I took on the lead communications role at a global NGO based in South Africa. I start working as soon as I wake up at 6am on most days, to make sure I can pick up Ananda by mid-afternoon.  My job involves deadline pressures, conference presentations, and frequent travel – all of which sit with my personality quite easily. But I still catch myself justifying my career: whenever someone asks “wow, how do you balance all the hours” or “don’t you miss your son when you’re away?” I immediately explain how the job allows me flexibility to be on his schedule so I still spend half the day with him.

What’s shocking is how much I’ve internalized this, to the point that when someone says “sounds like the perfect job for you”, I still respond with the script of “but I do it cause I can make the hours work”. When did following our own dreams feel like such a guilty pleasure?

Motherhood and careers hardly feels a balance – it feels more like an avalanche. Natasha has worked hard the last four years, getting training certificates, putting in extra hours, all while managing drop offs and pick-ups. She’s had a series of promotions – and an insanely toned body – to show for it.  She also has a wonderful, active son.  The worst thing about giving your all to your career and your family is that you’re exhausted. “When I’ve been training all day, I’m tired at 9 and can’t play soccer with my son,” she confides.

Ironically, listening to Natasha’s long-term commitment to herself and family gave me the strength to pursue my last selfish goal: to get back to working out regularly.  I’ve started to see exhaustion as not a reason to not do something, but as part of the journey.

It’s always about trade-offs. But it’s also about being happy. And when a mom is happy, often her children and families are too. Natasha may be an ambitious personal trainer and single mom but she’s one happy woman, and I can imagine her son is better off for it. “I still sometimes ask myself when I’m going to get a real job,” she jokes. Then she turns and asks me to give her another set of mountain climbers.

Filed Under: Park Slope Life Tagged With: career, children, dreams, family, life, mother, motherhood

The Autumn Equinox: The Dark Season

September 21, 2017 By Donna Henes Filed Under: Park Slope Life Tagged With: autumn, Fall Equinox

Fall is when we reap what we have sown

Autumn is inexorably associated with ripe maturity, harvest and death, as well as the implicit understanding of an eventual rebirth, the offer of resurrection.

The autumn ushers in the dark season. The season of diminished light. From now until the Vernal Equinox, six months hence, the nights are longer than the days. Shade and chill prevail. The year, the season, the sun, are slowing down, growing cold, getting old. The insidious forces of death sweep in and overshadow the vibrant life source.

[pullquote]Just as the dying sun is sure to return, so, too, will the seeds buried deep in the dark, begin to sprout come springtime. This potent promise of prospective plenitude sustains us through the empty stomach months.[/pullquote]The air and land, once alive with teeming species, are becoming empty in fall, and mute. Birds leave. Insects nest. Burrowing animals hunker. The trees discard their once green mantles, shrugging off leaves aglow with the fiery patina of age and sun. Stripped, they emerge skinny and naked, shivering in the wind. The flowering and fruitful plants shrivel and wither and prepare to die with the coming cold. Final fruits, nuts, ripe grains and grasses are gathered in before the fatal first frost.

Fall is like being retirement age. Having weathered the cycles, the rainbows and the storms, the trials and the troubles, the struggles; the teachings of a full life, it is now the season to reap what you have sown. If you planted your seeds in the spring and tended them well — watered and weeded, pruned and staked, mulched and sprayed, propitiated and prayed; and if the weather was willing — enough, but not too much, sun, wind and rain; and if you were lucky — favored by the powers that be in the universe; come autumn it is prime time to harvest your crop.

You have lived responsibly, raised your family. You have followed your calling, perfected your craft, participated in community. You have done your job, played your part. You have paid your dues — not to mention your payments, your taxes. You have worked your ass off. You are ready for a rest. You earned it. You yearn for the freedom and leisure that follows hard work well done. This is the future you have been saving for. In fall, you cash in and collect the fruits of your love and long labor.

Autumn age provides the perspective of the telescope of time. Here is the potential to ripen to a healthy, golden perfection before the stalk of life is scythed. To propagate the plentiful seeds of genes, of experience, of heritage, of the accumulated wisdom of the generations grown patiently over time. These are the seeds of survival. This is true for plants, too. In the fall of their lives when they are past their prime, as their last productive act and in a grand finale flurry of display, they go to seed. They issue forth from themselves the fertile means to assure a continuous succession.

The parent plant scatters these precious seeds to the four directions. They send them out on the winds and over the waters. They arrange for them to be delivered in the fur of animal couriers and dispersed from the air by birds and bats. They are given over to the grain harvesters of many species. It is imperative that these wild and domestic seeds find their way back into the earth womb to germinate and grow again. This accomplished, their lives complete, their genetic deed done, they die. Their decomposing leaves and stalks serve to cover the embryonic seed asleep in the cold ground. Even in death, they serve to nourish new life.

Autumn, then, is inexorably associated with ripe maturity, harvest and death, as well as the implicit understanding of an eventual rebirth, the offer of resurrection. Just as the dying sun is sure to return, so, too, will the seeds buried deep in the dark, begin to sprout come springtime. This potent promise of prospective plenitude sustains us through the empty stomach months.

 

 

Donna Henes is an urban shaman in exotic Brooklyn, contemporary ceremonialist, award winning author and popular speaker. Visit her website at

 http://www.donnahenes.net. Email her at cityshaman@aol.com.

© copyright 2006 by Donna Henes

— — —

ReligionAndSpirituality.com is a big tent for all expressions of faith and spirituality, neither excluding nor favoring any.

All opinions expressed belong to the writer alone, and are  not necessarily shared by ReligionAndSpirituality.com.

Filed Under: Park Slope Life Tagged With: autumn, Fall Equinox

Picture This: Our Conversation with Rooftop Films Creative Director Dan Nuxoll

August 2, 2017 By Lindsay Owen Filed Under: Park Slope Life Tagged With: documentary, film, independent films, lindsay owens, Park Slope, Rooftop Films

You’re sitting on a rooftop in downtown Manhattan with around 200 other people. It’s an early evening in June and a warm summer breeze is blowing as the sun starts to set. The sky around you transforms from blue to every color of pink you can imagine framing your 360 degree view of the city in unspeakable beauty. The excitement is palpable as the audience waits for the evening’s entertainment to commence– in this case, a very fine (and very funny) documentary about the musician José Gonzáles.

As the sun makes its final farewell and day turns into night, Jose himself makes an appearance and treats you and your movie going companions to a live acoustic performance of his ethereal, hypnotic songs. You feel like you’re one of the lucky ones. That you’re in the know. That while it’s business as usual on the streets far below you, while people pass the building you sit atop, oblivious to this secretive spectacle above them , you’re one of the privileged few.

That was my first experience of a Rooftop Films screening, which I attended back in 2012. This gem of a film festival, now in its 20th year, has grown bigger and better with every summer season.

Dan Nixon, Creative Director of Rooftop Films

At the center of Rooftop Film’s vision is its artistic director, Dan Nuxoll. A film director, producer, composer, and Brooklyn local, Dan is responsible for curating each year’s cinematic program from the over 3,000 submissions the festival now receives annually. Currently co-directing a new documentary feature film, Dan was recently included in Brooklyn Magazine’s list of The 100 Most Influential People in Brooklyn Culture.

So, for everything you never knew you wanted to know about Rooftop Films, here’s Dan Nuxoll himself, who took some time out to answer my questions about Rooftop Film’s origins, where it’s headed next, and what you can expect from this year’s festival.

 

Hey Dan. Now, for those unfamiliar with RTF, can you encapsulate the festival and its vibe in a few sentences?

Sure! Rooftop is a not-for-profit film organization founded in 1997. We do a lot of different things in the independent film world, including giving out grants and renting and donating equipment to other organizations to help them put on their own screenings, but the thing we are best known for is the Rooftop Films Summer Series. The Summer Series is in many ways a summer-long film festival: We screen more than 35 new, independent, and foreign feature films from all over the world, as well as more than 100 new short films. All of our summer events take place in scenic outdoor locations (often, though not always, on rooftops), and we always include special enhancements to our events, including live music performances before all of our screenings, Q and A’s with filmmakers after the screenings, and after parties following most of our ticketed events.

The origins of RTF, much like those of the Moth, are the stuff of legend; the festival almost seems to have begun by happy accident. Can you describe how RTF came to be?

Yeah, it is true that we definitely did not originally intend to build an entire film organization that would still be around 20 years later. The very first screening was pretty much organized as a one-man-operation by Mark Elijah Rosenberg. He and I went to Vassar together and it was his idea to show movies on rooftops. Back then he mostly just wanted to show some new short films by himself and some filmmakers he admired, but being just 21 years old and fresh out of college, there wasn’t any money to rent a theater. He did, however, have access to a small rooftop above his apartment building in the East Village, so he lugged a 16mm projector up to the roof and hooked it up to his brother’s punk band’s PA system and invited anyone he could to come drink some beers and watch some movies.

The evening turned out great and the next year he wanted to do it again, but his landlord definitely wasn’t going to let him use that roof again. But along with some friends from high school, I had renovated a gigantic 10,000 square foot warehouse space in the as-yet ungentrified neighborhood of Bushwick in what would eventually come to be known as the McKibbin St. Lofts. We had a huge indoor space and an even bigger rooftop, so we built a screen on the roof and started doing shows there. That’s where we were based for the next five years until I moved out of that building.

We kept expanding our activities, going from one to four to eight to sixteen screenings a year, and at that point it had become too much work to remain a hobby. We incorporated as a non-profit, moved our offices into the Old American Can Factory in Gowanus, and continued to expand. So, it wasn’t by any means an overnight success, but we certainly have become a much more substantial organization than we had originally intended to be.

At what point over the last 20 years of the program did you realize that the festival had become something important for NY moviegoers?

Hmm. I am not sure that there was any single moment in time. But there were certainly some moments along the way. Eventually our shows started to become very, very large, and that certainly made an impression on us. I remember in 2008 we presented the premiere of this fantastic documentary about the LES photographer Clayton Patterson and more than 1,100 people showed up, including Ed Koch (despite the fact that he was not favorably portrayed in the film). That certainly made an impression.

And there were many other highlights: screening Trouble the Water in Harlem Meer, giving a grant to help get Beasts of the Southern Wild made, and just generally seeing so many of the young NYC filmmakers that we had championed succeed, people like Lena Dunham, Benh Zeitlin, and Casey Neistat. With each new talent taking the step to the next level we are reminded that organizations like our own play an important role in the creative life of the city.

What do you think attracts movie fans to the festival?

Well, it’s a number of things. I think, perhaps most importantly, we prioritize the films and the audience experience and don’t get distracted by the other elements that some other festivals are distracted by. We are always focused on creating events that are fun, interesting, engaging, interactive, and unique, and we try to create as many incentives as possible for audience members to come out to our shows. Of course we work very, very hard on our film programming—we watch more than 3,500 films every year and we only show 3% of them, so the films we are presenting are definitely very thoroughly vetted. But, in addition to that, we have a fantastic music programmer who finds great emerging artists to perform before the films. We have free drinks after most of our screenings. And the venues are beautiful, interesting places that would be fun places to hang out at even if nothing was going on. I think our film curation is excellent, but often people show up not knowing much about what they are going to see that night, and that’s great. We want to draw people in to discover something new and unexpected.

Can you describe the process of selecting movies for the program? What’s your main priority when putting together the schedule for each season?

Rooftop has a pretty big team of people who watch the films. We receive thousands of blind submissions each year and also attend festivals like Sundance, IDFA, SXSW, and Toronto to track down others. We also request a lot of films from filmmakers and producers that we have heard good things about. We have a screening committee of about thirty paid people and have three full-time employees who also work on programming (including myself). We sift through all those movies and choose the films we think will work best for us.

The first most important criteria are that the films are new, independent, or foreign, and that we think they are great. We are particularly interested in films that are innovative and come from a fresh perspective. Luckily, we have a young and adventurous audience that is excited when we take chances, so we don’t have many creative restrictions on our programming. Our audience is willing to come out for even experimental films by unknown filmmakers because they trust us—which makes our jobs a lot easier.

But the one thing that differentiates us quite a bit from other festivals is that we are more event-based, so we do take things into account that other festivals might not. For instance, if there is a film that could involve an exciting performance component, then we are more likely to show that film than a film that doesn’t. For this reason we show more music-based films than your average festival, and those events are usually pretty special—we’ve shown documentaries accompanied by performances by rapper Danny Brown, singer-songwriter Jose Gonzalez, and many, many others. We also take into account venue; if there is a movie that works particularly well at one of our venues, then we are more likely to lock that film in. And sometimes we take our show on the road to create something special, like when we showed Beasts of the Southern Wild in the bayou in Louisiana.

Brookfield Place – Credit Darial Sneed

You’ve expanded the number of screening locations over the years. What’s precipitated that and how do you chose new venues?

We do about 45-60 big screenings a year at this point, starting in May and wrapping up in September—usually about 3 or 4 screenings a week. We expanded to that number mostly because that was the number that seemed to work. Setting up a large outdoor screening takes a LOT of work and preparation, so we don’t want to put together a full screening unless we really think that the event will be special. The last several years we have felt that if we did fewer screenings than that we would be rejecting a lot of films that we very much love, but, if we did many more screenings than that, we felt that the quality of the films and the quality of our presentation suffered a bit. So 45-50 shows seems like the right number.

RTF now offers grants to moviemakers to fund the making of independent movies. When did offering grants become an important goal for the RTF?

In our early years we wanted to do whatever we could to support the filmmakers who had been kind enough to screen with us, but back then we really had no money whatsoever. So we decided to raise our ticket price by 1 dollar (from $5 to $6!) and we were going to put all those extra $1 bills into a fund to give out grants to short filmmakers whose work we had shown to help them a little bit down the line. Over time that fund expanded as we grew as an organization and we also started to bring in sponsors who were excited to support the filmmakers as well. We get cash sponsorships for our fund from various supporters like GarboNYC, and we also are able to award some really generous service grants like lighting equipment form Eastern Effects (who are right in the neighborhood), camera packages from Technological Cinevideo Services, visual effects from Edgeworx, and publicity grants from Brigade Marketing.

Our rationale for giving out grants was that we could get more support and do more good by putting resources towards 10 or 15 grants than if we split it up between everyone, and we think that has worked out pretty well.

Which RTF funded movies are you most proud of?

There are a lot! This year our grantees had a great deal of success, so we are feeling pretty lucky. Kitty Green’s film Casting JonBenet premiered at Sundance and just recently made a sensation when it premiered on Netflix. Joshua Z Weinstein’s Menashe turned out even better than we had hoped and A24 will be distributing it in theaters this summer. Ana Lily Amirpour’s film The Bad Batch blew up at Toronto and will be released by Neon this summer as well. Rachel Israel’s Keep the Change just won best fiction film and best new director at Tribeca. So those all came out pretty well. But there have been many other fantastic films over the years, including some I mentioned earlier as well as Martha Marcy May Marlene, Obvious Child, Ain’t Them Bodies Saints, and too many others to list here.

Can you describe the average RTF movie goer?

Well, we move around to about 15 different venues all across the city, so the average attendee varies a bit from one location to the next. But generally speaking our attendees tend to be on the young side, relative to other film organizations. The majority are in the 15-40 age range, and most are pretty culturally savvy—not necessarily cinephiles, per se, but certainly people who are interested and invested in film, culture, music and the arts in general. They are also an adventurous bunch, and many people come out to shows just to see different corners of the city.

What are you most excited about for this year’s festival?

I am really quite thrilled with our program this year. Frankly, we have been able to get just about all the movies that I most loved this year. But some of my favorites coming up are Dave McCary’s hilarious comedy Brigsby Bear, Ana Lily Amirpour’s aforementioned The Bad Batch, Jeff Unay’s beautiful documentary The Cage Figher, Josh Weinstein’s Menashe, Amman Abassi’s heartbreaking Dayveon, and a bunch of great documentaries, especially Liberation Day, The Challenge, the Sundance-winning Dina, and my very favorite doc of the year, The Work. But come on out to everything. I promise you there are no duds this year.

Where next for RTF? How do you hope the festival will continue to grow and evolve?

Well, the three things we would most like to do are:

1. Establish a permanent or semi-permanent home at one venue with a Rooftop. We will always move around to different locations, but none of our current locations are really completely our own, so it would be great to get a long-term commitment from a place with a great roof.

2 Expand our programming in less well-off NYC communities. We already do screenings in communities that are less culturally well-served, but we would love to get the funding to do more screenings in such neighborhoods. I would love it if we could help local young people to build their own local screening series.

3 Expand our screenings in other cities. We have done dozens of screenings outside New York, but we have never set up a full series in another town. I think that there are a lot of cities that would really benefit from what we do, so hopefully we are able to get a few more series up and running soon.

Are there any established directors you’d like to include in the festival?

Well, not really. Our focus has always been and always will be on discovering new talent, so the filmmakers I want to bring to the Summer Series probably haven’t completed their first feature film yet. It’s fun when we are able to present work by more established directors that I admire, but it will always be much more exciting to us to present work by filmmakers that no one has heard of yet. It’s our job to make sure that people hear about them in the future. I hope that never changes.

 

Filed Under: Park Slope Life Tagged With: documentary, film, independent films, lindsay owens, Park Slope, Rooftop Films

What it means to be Half-White

December 1, 2016 By Ambika Samarthya-Howard Filed Under: Park Slope Life Tagged With: Black Lives Matter, Brooklyn, Buddhist Tibetan, discrimination, Masala, Mixed Masala, racism

 

When I first returned to New York to study film at Columbia in 2000, I remember hearing about a Brooklyn based parenting group created for South Asian parents called Mixed Masala. The group included parents who adopted from South Asia as well as parents who had recently emigrated from the subcontinent – the common thread being a desire to raise children within that culture. I decided if I had children in America I wanted to be part of that subculture.

Fast-forward 15 years and I found myself married to a Seattlite and living in Prospect Lefferts Garden. When I go to restaurants and parenting groups in the area, I’m very conscious of the fact that Ananda does not look particularly South Asian. I realize based on my clothing and the vibe I give out that particular day, many people assume I’m his nanny, and I can see their discomfort as to how to refer to our relationship when they ask me questions about him. His skin is not pale, but it’s not dark, and his features, aside from a robust set of hair, do not mimick those of Indian men. It then became even more important to go out of my way to raise my child with as much Indian traditions and culture as I could muster, and my husband was very supportive of this. For me being Indian meant communicating a Buddhist tradition, introducing him early on to Indian music and foods, as well language and place.

[pullquote]How early does one learn privilege and power? How early does one understand racism and discrimination? I’m really not sure[/pullquote]We became close to a few people from the MM group and attended their events. I found a Buddhist Tibetan nanny through a vigorous hunt where I pooled all my listserves together, and for the first year of my son’s life she brought a deep spiritual and cultural nuance to childcare. My mom cooked most of his early solid foods, from daal to idlis (South Asian rice patties), and my husband and I introduced him to spices early. My husband danced bhangra with him, and my friends showered him with Indian clothes. O insisted that my mother only speak to him in our mother tongue and I repeatedly spoke the few words of Hindi I can muster. I’m committed to bringing him to India early on, and for him to be immersed in Indian culture.

I feel good about all of this, at least for now. I resist when people ask how to shorten his 6 letter name and if he has a nickname. I respond that it’s already quite easy to pronounce and only 3 syllables. And I know I unconsciously give him an abundance of kisses and attend many happy hours to make sure everyone knows he’s definitely my son. The plight of bringing up a mixed child is old news, especially in Brooklyn.

What has changed recently is the intensity of the racial climate in America – or perhaps more transparency of a historically existing one. Within the context of the Black Lives Matter movement and the hatred Trump has brought into the American forefront, I now have to learn what it means to raise my son half white.

In the same way that introducing language, spices, and spiritual beliefs early on will impact Ananda’s life down the road, I think that’s important to begin communicating the cultural and political burden of his whiteness. I asked my husband how will we raise him white and he joked and said “consumerism.” Since the dominant culture in America is white culture, we don’t have to go out of our way to raise him white per se, as that’s the default.

But I want to make sure to teach Ananda that whiteness means privilege. It means that he may get scrutinized in airports when people see his hyphenated last name, but not when the police don’t issue him a ticket. I don’t want him to be ashamed of his whiteness, or adopt it too willingly – I want him to understand the deep responsibility to be aware of the political situations of our times, and feel deep compassion and act accordingly. It means understand that being white carries power that he can choose to use wisely, and that how his parents are treated differently is not coincidence.

I wonder how I will teach him these things. It’s not the same as my sing-song voice which hums tunes to calm him during a diaper change, or adding a bit of spicy chutney to his solids. It’s nuanced. How early does one learn privilege and power? How early does one understand racism and discrimination? I’m really not sure. I do know that habit formation happens early on, as does recognition of smells and people, and this is not something that can wait until school to be taught.

What I do know is that there are progressive communities like Mixed Masala and the anti-gentrification movements in Brooklyn to support me as I raise my son. I’ll continue to help navigate my son through the experiences he has when we ride the subway, and we ride it often. And that rooting myself in how my neighborhood is growing may be as important an education as a trip to Bangalore.

Filed Under: Park Slope Life Tagged With: Black Lives Matter, Brooklyn, Buddhist Tibetan, discrimination, Masala, Mixed Masala, racism

PLANNING THE UNEXPECTED

May 16, 2016 By Ambika Samarthya-Howard Filed Under: Park Slope Life Tagged With: birth, birth plan, c-section, childbirth, dilated, doula, epidural, labor, midwives, motherhood, postpartum, pregnancy, pregnant

Tibetan prayer flags decorated my couch for weeks. Each was created by a friend to encourage me through labor and to welcome my son home. Between preparing playlists for all stages of labor, reading childbirth books, and drinking daily raspberry tea, I had become obsessed with when and how I would give birth. How did I get here?

Ambition and desire plays a part in everyone’s life. Since I was a teenager I had envisioned the exact Ritu Kumar red and gold dress I wanted to wear for my grand Indian wedding. I dreamed about living in New York after college. I read books and essays fantasizing about working and traveling in distinct corners of the world, which I pursued with passion. And I took all my plans seriously, putting them into motion. But I had never given being pregnant or birthing any thought.

Then here I was pregnant, with everyone asking me how I wanted to give birth, and what I had imagined it would look like. I had always assumed birth happens, not that I had to plan it. I knew I would not necessarily have control over my body – so why fantasize?

 

[pullquote]The lessons I learned to let go and accept my body and myself for what it is will stay with me through my motherhood.
[/pullquote]

But my doula, doctors, and hospital had all encouraged me to come up with a birth plan and I enjoyed the exercise. The plan included words describing how I wanted the birth to go, what medications I was open to, who would be involved and how, and procedural consent. Every woman I spoke to who created a birth plan had an entirely different labor, but I still felt at least asking the questions to myself would put me in a good place emotionally.

When the day came, I went from early labor to more intense labor, from bathtub to bouncy ball to wall clutching in 18 hours, I put all my tools into use until I felt I could no longer take the contractions and wanted an epidural. At 3:1:1 (1 minute contractions every 3 minutes for an hour) I felt ready to go to the hospital. “This is just pain. This is not suffering.” I repeated those phrases repeatedly in the dreaded cab ride to the hospital.

Hoping I was close to 6 or 7 cms dilated, the nurse solemnly told me I was not dilated at all, and the baby had hardly even fallen. I was experiencing prodromal labor – where a woman is in labor for hours, days, weeks, without her body dilating as one would in active labor. The writing was on the wall: within 14 hours I went from an epidural to Pitocin to induce labor to a c-section. I was thrilled to feel my lovely baby boy finally on me and relieved to eat and just be with my family.

The c-section was not in my birth plan, and it made me feel like a failure and less of a woman/ mother. But as I began nursing and getting to know my son, I realized motherhood was just beginning. I asked Leigh Kader, a doula whose birth education classes I attended this fall, about the point of doing a birth plan, as I grew in the coming weeks to slowly question why I had spent so much time in my pregnancy creating expectations. She responded: “If you don’t know your options, you don’t have any. But because of the unpredictability of birth, I prefer the term “preferences” to “plan” because plan feels rigid (and rigidity leads to disappointment) whereas preferences imply open mindedness. Writing your preferences down insures that you and your partner on the same page about what is important to you both during the labor and immediate postpartum.”

It definitely had helped in discussions with my husband and doula. “It’s a useful tool for thinking through what is most important during the birth and the immediate postpartum time. It can also be a great way to get to know your care provider and feel reassured that your birth team is all on the same page about your preferences.” another doula, Sarah Lewin, described. I still had a hard time wrapping my head around writing down choices for an event I couldn’t control.

People can clearly see the harm of holding onto the image of the perfect relationship, the ideal partner, or the dream apartment. So how does one envision birth without attachment, to hold preferences without expectations?

Maybe the focus should be about the process itself: the idea of birth plans as a movement for pregnant women to have their voices and choices heard in a process that has become overly medicalized and less personal. Roseanna Seminar, a midwife at Park Slope Midwives, pointed out that “items that people used to put in the birth plan are now automatic (skin to skin, no separation, delayed cord clamping etc).  We build a trust with women during the pregnancy. This helps when things don’t go as planned and we need to change it.” I definitely did appreciate looking forward to the choices I made about skin to skin and not being separated from my son.

As I reflect at my recovery, my healthy boy, and the loving manner in which my surgery occurred (my son was on my chest the entire time), I am thankful. The lessons I learned to let go and accept my body and myself for what it is will stay with me through my motherhood.

 

Ambika&Child

 

Filed Under: Park Slope Life Tagged With: birth, birth plan, c-section, childbirth, dilated, doula, epidural, labor, midwives, motherhood, postpartum, pregnancy, pregnant

Dog Aspirational, With Lingering Doubts

August 24, 2015 By Sally Kohn Filed Under: Park Slope Life Tagged With: dog, sally kohn

 

Well, it’s been decided that my daughter will indeed get a dog. Which means we’ll all get a dog, since we all know the idea that the dog will be “her responsibility” is a fiction at any age, but certainly at six. So now it’s just a matter of when and what.

I find that big life decisions are best made in two phases. Take, for instance, having a child in the first place. This is the purpose of gestation. You first decide you want to have a child, and then you wait a while — however long it takes to get pregnant and then grow and deliver a baby, or to adopt or use a surrogate or what have you. The waiting period is strategic. It’s the world’s way of helping you come to terms with the reality of your decision and start to grasp its full implications. I remember in the movie Baby Boom when the Diane Keaton character is suddenly, unexpectedly given the baby of a distant, deceased relative, and her life falls into complete chaos. Of course, even if you had months or years warning, having a child leads to complete chaos. But less, I think.

And so I’m imagining that anticipating the having of a dog will help prepare the way for the real thing. I’ve noticed myself now thinking things like, “I guess now would be a fine time to walk the dog if we had the dog,” and “That looks like a sturdy brand of carpet cleaner for when we have the dog.” This is like how world-class runners prepare for a race by visualizing the route over and over again in their heads. I’m picturing the carpet stains.

But at the same time, I’m also making excuses. Especially when it comes to when we actually cross that threshold from fiction into reality. We can’t get a dog now, I think. It’s summer. It’s too hot. And we already have vacation plans that are dog-less. That beach rental doesn’t allow dogs, and it would be negligent to leave it alone so soon. Which leaves the fall. But that’s back to school, hectic enough. And piles of leaves mean ticks, right? Winter? No way! Too cold, wet paws, plus I hear that salt on the sidewalks really hurts them. So spring it is! It seems far enough away to not be anytime soon.

As for the kind of dog, this is a matter of much contention. First there’s age. Do we want a puppy or a more seasoned, broken in year-or-so-old dog? From what I gather, each has distinct advantages. Older dogs are already mellowed out and, apparently, sometimes come housebroken. Hence no stains, or fewer anyway. But what the hell is the point of getting a dog if you don’t get a puppy? Sure, they’re difficult, but they’re also adorable as all get out and they’re cuddly and they smell good. My six-year-old has stopped smelling good. It would be nice to have something good smelling in the house. At least until it stains the carpet.

Lastly, we’re up in the air as to breed. Me, I want a mutt from the pound. That seems to me the most socially responsible option as well as the best statistical bet, combining the best of several breeds into one better-than-average result. My daughter wants an Irish Wolf Hound. This, in case you didn’t know, it a dog the size of a small convertible. It is literally bigger than her bedroom. And it is not cuddly, though it doesn’t require much exercise which is a definite plus. But to me, Wolf Hounds look sort of the dogs that might accompany the grim reaper and I worry that in the middle of the night, catching its passing shadow might cause me to have a heart attack. I don’t want to have a heart attack.

Meanwhile my partner wants a Bernedoodle. This is a Bernese Mountain Dog crossed with a Poodle. They are absolutely as cute and cuddly as they are expensive, which is to say very. Plus there’s a not small part of me that worries that if I start by giving into a designer dog, next thing my partner will want a designer handbag or something, and we can’t really afford that either.

All of which leaves us, I suppose, in the category of “Dog Aspirational, With Lingering Doubts.” Suggestions welcome.

Filed Under: Park Slope Life Tagged With: dog, sally kohn

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