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dispatches from babyvilel

Dispatches From Babyville: Snow Day! a to-do list

January 14, 2020 By Nicole Kear Filed Under: Dispatches From Babyville Tagged With: dispatches from babyvilel, Nicole Kear

I love making to-do lists. In point of fact, I love crossing items off to-do lists and the only way you get to do that is if you make one first. I take tremendous pleasure in the act of drawing a thick, irrevocable line through a bullet-pointed item, be it a tedious errand or an onerous obligation.

When you’re a mother of three and two of those three are teens or teen-adjacents, when you have not only renounced most pleasure for yourself, but renounced pleasure in general, on principle, when your unofficial title is Mother, Fun-killer–well, when this is your situation, you get your kicks where you can. Things like seltzer make you unaccountably happy.

I can get a little evangelical about my to-do lists. Once you’ve found salvation, in any form, you want to share it, especially with your loved ones. Who, not to put too fine a point on it, have a lot of homework. 

Last year, my oldest child, known in these parts as Primo, started high school and his workload immediately multiplied by proportions that cannot be measured by math as we know it. His lightest night of work is more than my heaviest day, during finals, in college. My middle child, Seconda, started middle school and she too, experienced a massive increase in her workload. My littlest one, Terza, started first grade and, mercifully, continued to enjoy immunity from crushing piles of homework.

My solution to the Homework Overload was: Whiteboards. I brought home a large, lovely, dry erase board and an array of markers in enticing colors.

“So you can make a list of what homework you have to do, and in what order and how long it will take you!” I announced to my big kids. “You could use paper, too, but this is more eco-friendly!”

“Thanks?” was their reply. It meant, “No, thanks.” It meant, “Forget it.”

Seconda insisted she had things covered with her homework planner, which seemed nearly adequate for her level of work. But Primo would need a planner the size of War and Peace to organize his avalanche of work. So, with him, I pressed the matter. 

“Just try it,” I encouraged. “It’ll be useful!”

I placed the whiteboard on his desk and the next day, found it on the kitchen counter, blank and pristine. So I returned it to his desk, only to find it the next day, tossed into the pile of shoes by our front door.

“I found your whiteboard,” I told him, bringing it back into his room.

“Nooooooooo,” he moaned. “Please, anything but that.”

“How could you hate a whiteboard?” I was genuinely perplexed. “It’s so unobjectionable.”

“I don’t know but I do,” he explained. “I really, really hate it.”

“It’s like exercise,” I said. “You don’t feel the endorphins right away. You have to, you know, do it a lot before they kick in.”

“You never exercise,” he pointed out.

“Exactly,” I said. “Learn from my mistakes.”

I left the board on his desk and it soon went mysteriously missing. Rewards were offered for any information regarding its whereabouts but no information was given.

So I purchased another whiteboard, a double-sided one this time, and my family heaved a collective sigh. Even better, I soon found the original white board shoved into the back of the hall closet. Now I had two!

My husband and children started to make jokes about my unnatural love for whiteboards. Marriage proposals were suggested. My son asked if he should start calling the whiteboard Daddy.

“Whiteboards are really useful for making lists!” I protested. “This is a well-known fact! Ask an organizational expert!”

The answer to the question: when is it a good time to make a list is, of course, anytime. But there are better and worse occasions. As a list aficionado, I know that there are three conditions which, if they coincide, create the ideal opportunity for a to-do list. These conditions are:

  1. You have many, many things to do
  2. You have many, many hours of free time
  3. You have zero plans

Like, for example, a snow day. 

I understand that thrill at the prospect of making a mammoth to-do list is not everyone’s first response to discovering there will be a snow day. To be honest, it wasn’t my first response either. My first response involved a few more expletives. I stared down the barrel of sixteen hours filled with kids alternating between bingeing on social media and bingeing on video games with some intermittent bingeing on Netflix, all the while bickering with each other. And then, bathed in beatific light, a halo glimmering over its head, my whiteboard popped into my mind.

What my family and I were really facing was an unparalleled opportunity for productivity.

I rounded up the children and my husband. I retrieved the whiteboards.

“Today, we’re going to have fun!” I announced. “And we’re also going to get stuff done!”

I used my neglected dry erase markers and, on one whiteboard, wrote: “Have Fun!” and on the other, “Get Stuff Done!”

Then, I invited suggestions of things to do.

“Have Fun!” filled up quickly:

  1. Sledding
  2. Play in snow
  3. Make hot chocolate
  4. Watch movie
  5. Play with dolls
  6. Play new video game
  7. Make slime
  8. Paint nails

“Ok, we have plenty for ‘Have Fun!’” I pointed out. “What about ‘Get Stuff Done!’”

“That doesn’t rhyme, you know,” Primo pointed out.

“It’s a soft rhyme,” I replied. “Close enough.”

My husband offered up a few ideas.

  1. Clean bedrooms
  2. Cook chili
  3. Make a pie
  4. Homework
  5. Do laundry

There was talk of adding “Reading” to the list but I contested the point. 

“Reading should go on the ‘Have Fun!’ List,” I argued.

“Oh my God, Mom,” said Seconda. “That’s where I draw the line.”

“Fine,” I said, and added it to the “bad” list.

  1. Reading
  2. Pair socks
  3. Throw out expired medicine
  4. Organize earrings
  5. Sharpen pencils

I had other ideas, naturally, but the angry mob threatened mutiny. They wrestled the dry erase markers from my eager fingers. 

“You’re out of control,” little Terza said.

“Guys,” I said. “Guys. When you cross stuff off a list, it feels incredible! It’s so satisfying. It’s the best feeling in the world.” 

My son raised his eyebrows.

“I think that’s just you.” Primo said. “And you should get out more.”

I looked to my husband, dearest partner in greatness, for affirmation.

“I mean,” he said apologetically. “It is a snow day.”

I sighed heavily.

“Fine,” I said, using my eraser to wipe out items 7 and up on the “Get Stuff Done!” aka “Mom is a Dementor” list.

“One day, you will love a whiteboard, too.” I told my kids, “And when you do, I’ll be there to rejoice with you.”

But they were already getting into their snow pants and boots and hats and scarves. I put down my eraser and backed away from the whiteboard. Sometimes you just have to admit defeat. When you’re a mother of three, that sometimes is often. Even I could see that when life gives you snow, you gotta make snowmen.

Filed Under: Dispatches From Babyville Tagged With: dispatches from babyvilel, Nicole Kear

Dispatches from Babyville: A Lit Legacy

April 17, 2019 By Nicole Kear Leave a Comment Filed Under: Dispatches From Babyville Tagged With: Babyville, childhood, dispatches from babyvilel, Nicole Kear, parenting

Art by Heather Heckel

I was a voracious reader as a child, a read-while-walking-down-the-sidewalk kind of bookworm. As an adult, I’ve moved apartments countless times and every time, during the brutal downsizing that precedes packing, I place one childhood book after another on the “Keep” pile, schlepping the yellow-paged books from one shoebox apartment to another. I love these books. They’re my Proustian madeline.

Naturally, I want to share these jewels of literature with my children, now aged 6, 11 and 14 years old. When they were very young, this was easy enough. Toddlers are happy to sit through any readaloud, be it an evergreen Sendak or a psychedelic Stephen Cosgrove. But when it comes to chapter books–the classics–I’ve been less successful in preserving my literary legacy. In fact, my children have flat-out rejected my legacy. Loudly, Repeatedly.

With my firstborn, Primo, I tried Heidi.

“You’re going to love it!” I assured my then nine-year-old. “She drinks milk from goats and she lives on a high mountaintop and her grandpa’s really grumpy.”

“Sounds boring,” he noted–to my mind, prematurely.

A few pages in, he confirmed his initial assesment.

“It is boring,” he pronounced.

So, I upped the ante. I acquired an audiobook version, in which a Swiss woman read the story in the most lilting, hypnotic accent imaginable. Her voice was more relaxing than a bottomless glass of Chardonnay. Turns out one man’s “relaxing” is another man’s “boring-est thing I ever heard.”

We listened while on a road trip, making it through three or four chapters before we arrived at our destination. Once out of the car, the children staged a mutiny and refused to get back in until I agreed to never play Heidi again. So, that was that.

Several years later, I tried Little Women, this time with Seconda, who was about eight. I hooked her by telling her that something really, really terrible happens in the middle of the book. Seconda really digs it when terrible things happen in books, so she agreed to try it. And she did. But we’d hardly made it past chapter two when she put the kabosh on the readaloud.

“But we didn’t get up to the terrible thing yet!” I reminded her.

She raised her eyebrows suspiciously. “I bet it’s not even that bad.”

“Oh, it’s bad. Trust me. Reaaaally awful. Tragic.”

“Does the dad die?” she asked.

“Nope.”

“The mom?”

“No.”

“Just tell me! I’m never going to read this book and I want to know.”

“If you want to find out what terrible, awful, sad and tragic thing happens,” I said, “you have to let me read it to you.”

“Okay,” she said, shrugging. “Forget it then.”

About two years later, when we were in the middle of an argument, she yelled: “And I know what happens at the end of Little Women! Beth dies!”

I gasped. “How did you find that out?”

“The internet, Mom!” she replied. “It’s called the internet!”

And then there was one.

My youngest, Terza, is six years old and, I am aware, my final shot. I knew I had to choose the classic carefully, so I left Little Women on the shelf, opting instead for A Little Princess.

A Little Princess has it all. There’s servitude, and rodent friends and orphanhood. There’s the word “princess” right there, in the title, irresistible to kids of the Cinderella-Ate-My Daughter age bracket.

Plus, I knew Terza liked my literary tastes. My husband and I had read the entire Ramona series to her–twice–using a few of my childhood volumes.

I hooked Terza with a tight elevator pitch. I kept her focused by doing all the voices. I even edited out some of the more boring adjectives.  

She was smitten for one night of bedtime reading and then another. We conducted light literary analysis on the way to school. We bonded over favorite quotes.

It’s not the legacy I planned but then again, in parenting, it never is.

“It’s working,” I thought with no small amount of self congratulation.

And then, on the third night, just after Ermegarde St. John was introduced, Terza cut me off mid-sentence and said, “I don’t want to read this. Let’s read Ramona again.”

“But–but what about Ermegarde St. John? We have to find out what happens to her. She has the best name ever! ERMEGARDE ST. JOHN!”

Terza shot me a “Mom, you’re really losing it” look. It’s troubling when your six-year-old appropriately uses that look on you.

“Can we please read just a little more?” I pleaded. “I really want to read it!”

“You can read it, Mommy. Later. After I go to bed.”

“But you didn’t even find out what terrible thing happens!” I blurted, floundering..

“I don’t care. I want to read Ramona.”

“Okay fine,” I said quickly. “I’ll tell you. Her father dies. She loses all her money! She has to become a servant in her own school!”

She shrugged. “So what?”

To which I could issue no reply. There is no coming back from “so what?”

I pulled Beezus and Ramona off the shelf and started reading, for the upteenth time, Cleary’s sturdy, steady prose. I began to feel, I think, what my daughter does while reading it –  bemused, delighted and more than anything, safe. Klickitat Street is no Sesame Street; you can’t have all sunny days in Portland after all. But when it does rain in Cleary’s world, there’s always an umbrella to stand under, metaphorically speaking, anyway. I understood then, that that’s what my little one is looking for when she reads. Or what she’s looking for right now, at least. Fair enough.

A week or so later, Terza was browsing Netflix when she cried out, “Look Mom! It’s that really boring book you kept trying to read to me. Can we watch the movie?”

“Are you kidding?” I wanted to say. ”Before finishing the book?”

Instead I said, “Sure” and made popcorn. We followed the trials and tribulations of Sara Crews and Ermegarde St. John and her rodent friends. Terza was riveted. She watched the movie again the next day.

It’s not the legacy I planned but then again, in parenting, it never is. I’ll take it.

The following morning, on our walk to school, she turned to me and said, as if conceding a point: “You were right, Mom. That is a really good story.”


Nicole C. Kear is the co-author of the new middle grade series, The Startup Squad, out this May, as well as author of the chapter book series, The Fix-It Friends, and the memoir Now I See You. You can find out more info at nicolekear.com.

Filed Under: Dispatches From Babyville Tagged With: Babyville, childhood, dispatches from babyvilel, Nicole Kear, parenting

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